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Thursday, July 31, 2008
For days now, I've been trying to write the perfect blog, writen in perfect words to perfectly describe just how imperfect I am. But now I've come to realize, it doesn't matter what I say, because in the end they are just words. Words that form sentences and phrases that in the end, mean absolutely nothing to anyone seeing as I am the only one who truly knows what each of them means. And as time passes and I change, even I lose the connection I once had with them. And I've learnt that that there is pretty much what life is. It's a flowing current of people and things that is constantly changing and constantly becoming bigger and harder to accept and cope with. And I seem to have gotten lost in all of it. I don't know who I am, where I'm going or if I'm even going to get anywhere.
I've learned that letting go is the true challenge in life. You must learn to trust, love and be happy when it rains. You must learn to be confident, accepting and true to not only others but yourself as well. You can not always listen and follow your heart and often in life you will be faced with hard decisions but not being faced with any is even worse.
You must grow as not only a human, but as a person. You must get wiser and learn from your mistakes and simply keep on making new ones to get anywhere. You don't always need what they tell you you do, just as long as you find a way to make yourself feel whole at the end of everyday. And if by chance one day you find yourself shattered and lying on the floor broken, you do have the right to lay there for as long as you want, no matter what others say.
It's okay to be sad, depressed, angry and pessimistic. It's okay to dwell on the past and worry about the future and regret everything you've ever done. It's okay to hate people you're supposed to love and love those you should hate. It's okay to want to destroy yourself bit by bit because of the shame you feel every single time you look in a mirror. It's okay to give up on people and things for long periods of time; and it's definitely okay to wander your life lost for as long as you need to. Just be sure to never bring anyone else down with you. And be sure to never ever blame another for the things you choose to do.
Your life is like a cheap bar with no age limit. People will walk in and out of it on a daily basis, simply trying to fix themselves. They will use you until you have nothing left for them to use and throw you out like their old underwear. You do not truly mean anything to anyone because everyone is the same in our society. Everyone tries so hard to be unique, that in the end we are all clones of one another. So be prepared, because people always leave and nothing is ever forever. Learn to stand alone before you stand with someone else. Learn to make yourself smile before you let others brighten your face. Learn to laugh at yourself so that when others do you can laugh as well. Learn to sleep alone, live alone and breath alone. Never make someone your world because when the foundation crumbles, so do you.
Love is a complicated feeling with great powers, so learn to use it carefully. Be carefully of those you choose to let in and be even more careful of those you seem to ignore. Because when the time comes where you truly need someone there, it is always those who never offered their help who come to your rescue. And all those who ever promised to be there seem to slip away.
So open your eyes, your heart and your mind. Experience your life the way you want to, not the way they say you should. Fill your days with whatever nonesence you wish to and don't ever let anyone tell you not to. So do not be afraid, because life can not hurt you, only you can hurt yourself. Listen to the words of others, understand them but do not let them control you.
It's been a good two years, but my time to leave vaguecalamity has come. I'd like to thank all those who have ever touched my life (good or bad). Thank you for your support over the years and thank you for teaching me the life lessons I needed to go on.
I also owe an apology to most of you, but someone once told me that if you're sorry for your whole life, you'll never go anywhere. So I hope I didn't offend any of you too much, I hope you can understand why I'm leaving you all behind and I hope you won't try to follow me.
So this is it, the final farewell. Time for a new beginning, a new me.
Tootles my dearies!
Love always,
Dino Jo
Posted at 4:53:15 pm by dinoxjo
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
i think,
i think....
i think they should've invented this for the war.
death by shoe box.
i've never breathed so hard
never cried so hard
never felt like i was actually going to die.
never felt like there was utterly no chance in hell that i could go on.
never, ever, ever.
this is officially the death of me,
maybe you will hear from me
someday in the future.
maybe i'll read these blogs and remember how life used to be.
maybe it'll be too long and this site will have shut down.
maybe internet won't even exist.
it was a good run we had,
two years exactly yesterday.
the nigts i spent writting here
and the things I realized and accepted through here.
truly a life saver,
but now it comes to an end...
much like everything else in life.
Posted at 5:19:53 pm by dinoxjo
Disappointment and Regret
have finally begun to define me
along with awkward moments
and lies.
i am not the dinojo i once was
i am not the girl i used to be.
but i know...
this person i have become
was always hiding away inside me.
go away... go awayyy
go hide away
leave me...
and you...
you...
come back...
come back....
please come back...
Posted at 1:14:02 am by dinoxjo
Sunday, July 13, 2008
when every morning is dreaded, because of the simple fact that final day is approaching. closer and closer i watch it creep, closer and closer and all i can do is watch in horror......
it's like counting down the seconds until that final moment where you know everything is just going to stop and shatter into a million pieces. no matter how well you know what's going to happen, or how well you know you deserve, it's still going to break you. chew you up and spit you out, inside out.
you can not prepare for your destruction.
no matter how exactly you know the date.
Posted at 11:51:20 pm by dinoxjo
Words That Mean Something
"Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,
Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would."
Posted at 11:37:37 pm by dinoxjo
It's just me being paranoid and selfish and crazy and cooky and stupid and dumb and paranoid and basically myself. I know it is, this happens all the time. All the time I push away, pull away, throw away and run away. I get scared, and I don't know how to deal, accept, cope. I don't know how to say it bothers me, speak normally at a reasonable decibel. But I also don't have the guts to confront, speak my mind, share. I know it's just me being over-reacting and exaggerative, but I can't help but feel this way. Like you're taking parts of me and throwing them away. Degrading me slowly, bit by bit without me even noticing. But I know you'd never want to hurt me like that, and I know you already know how paranoid I can be, so I don't understand why you would do this to me on purpose? Perhaps they are all coincidences, but this many? This many times? I just want to be my own person, can you back off? It's come to a point where everytime I see you, I hate you more and more, yet deep down I know if I let you go, I'm going to regret it more than any of the others. But maybe it's time I make this mistake.I mean, you've already grown so distant along with the others.. perhaps it's a start. A start to my fresh start... Will you steal this from me now as well? Will you take my fresh start from me?
Posted at 11:07:41 pm by dinoxjo
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photography site!
NEW JULY UPDATE!
“The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.”
- Audrey Hepburn
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
- Albert Einstein
“Just because you get distracted by the silver lining, doesn't mean there's not still a huge dark cloud behind it.”
- Drums, Girls and Dangerous Pie
Dino Jo is currently feeling
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