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Thursday, April 10, 2008
So many people have cried out, I no longer know who is really hurting. I want to help them all, but I know it is not my place. I watch as they abuse what our school is actually good for, and I silently weep to myself. How am I supposed to take the pain seriously when one day you're crying the next you're trying to skip gym? How am I supposed to help when everytime I reach out, you slap me across the face and tell me to shut up. To mind my own business. Why is it that everyone begs me for help, and the second I try to be there for them, they won't let me in. Not even to simply hold their hand or let them rest on my shoulder. I feel like I'm giving a lot, only to have it pushed back into my face. I cover up my truths so that I can help others with theirs, and then eventually I let them pick away at mine. I hide mine because I know there is no cure for what is wrong with me, and eventually I will simply waste away, and I have come to terms with that. Accepted it. And now, all I want to do is make a mends with everyone, enjoy my final moments and help everyone so that hopefully they don't waste away. I know someday, I will walk down this hall and be invisible. People who once hugged and loved me will turn their heads and divert their eyes. I know once they find out, they will all run and hide. But I don't mind being alone, I no longer fear the solitude. My chest no longer tightens at the thought and my stomach no longer pushes out the food. I have grown to accept I will be alone, and that these people rejecting my help is only the beginning.
Posted at 6:08:31 pm by dinoxjo
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
The anger swells, I don't want to speak. She says one word, I want to kill. Kill her, kill me, kill everything. I want to jump. I want to cut. I don't wnat to fucking be here. It bursts from my fucking seems. I hope one day this hand brakes. I hope one day I punch so hard every bone crushes and it bleeds and it fucking hurts. Tears roll down, and a silent screaming goes off. My chest tightens, I can't breathe. Fuck you, fuck you. My hand throbs and I hit again and again. I run my fingers threw my hair, rest my elbows on my knees, allow my forehead to find it's place in my palms. I can't take this load, I can't do it anymore. Every second something new. I can't take it, I can't, I just fucking can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I fucking can't, I don't fucking want to.
Soon,
I fucking won't.
Posted at 7:44:38 pm by dinoxjo
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Short break from the long break because of this amazing news.
All those who know me well, have heard me say
"Once I see Ben Gibbard live, I can die happy."
Well, it seems, I'm going to be able to die happy sooner than I thought.
June motherfriggin 6th 2008,
A little less than a month after the release of their new album,
Death Cab is making a live appearance right here at our very own
"Old Port."
Bitch yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So, here here to Ben Gibbard and a happy death!
Okay, short break from long break over.
Posted at 10:40:50 pm by dinoxjo
Monday, March 31, 2008
Fuck you, and everything you think of me.
Fuck you, and your far from funny jokes.
Fuck everything you want for me.
Fuck everything you say to me.
Fuck you and your smug smile.
Fuck your lies.
Fuck wrong and right.
Fuck school.
Fuck teachers.
Fuck not fucking swearing.
Fuck tests.
Fuck internet.
Fuck reading.
Fuck pictures.
Fuck memories.
Fuck songs.
Fuck homework.
Fuck computers.
Fuck television.
Fuck cuts.
Fuck alcohol.
Fuck me.
Fuck me.
Fuck me.
Fuck you.
Fuck everyone.
Fuck me.
Fuck writting.
Fuck this site and everything it makes me say.
FUCK ME.
FUCK ME.
FUCK ME.
I'm not coming back for a while.
Goodbye.
Posted at 8:26:25 pm by dinoxjo
I scream. I scream and I let it all out. I close my eyes and I scream. I press down hard, and I scream. My eyes are shut so hard they hurt. My hands are shaking so vigorously I can barely keep them so firm. My fingers are pressing so hard I think their turning white. Fear is crawling all over my face. I'm screaming, but no one can hear. I'm screaming my lungs out, but it won't come out. It stays trapped in the confines of the veins in my head. Erasing everything from my mind, turning it all red and white. I continue to scream. Trying endlessly to erase the memories of the glass against my lips and the cool sweet beverage violating my inside. Trying to remove the memories of what I did from my mind. I release my fingers. As the blood rushes back into them, they begin to jump with pins and needles. I open my eyes but I can only see spots of purple and the light is blinding. The screamingh as stopped, but my throat is raw. My hands are trembling, my body is trembling, everything is trembling.
Posted at 8:15:15 pm by dinoxjo
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Breathe.
Ow.
Breathe.
Ow.
Breathe.
Ow.
My hands are shaking.
My heart is beating.
My head is spinning.
I can't think.
I can't see.
I can't feel.
Breathe.
Ow.
My world has crashed.
I am crashing.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I'm going to hyperventilate.
I'm going to pass out.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Shake.
Shake.
Breathe.
Ow.
Shake.
Quick, quick, quick.
I hear a noise.
I'm crashing, falling, breaking.
My world is gone, gone... gone.
My head is spinning, spinning, spinning.
I am no where to be found.
What happened? Who am I?
Breathe.
Once.
Twice.
Breathe.
Once.
Twice.
Again.
Breathe.
Ow.
Breathe.
My leg is numb.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Goodnight.
Posted at 11:46:57 pm by dinoxjo
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photography site!
NEW JULY UPDATE!
“The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.”
- Audrey Hepburn
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
- Albert Einstein
“Just because you get distracted by the silver lining, doesn't mean there's not still a huge dark cloud behind it.”
- Drums, Girls and Dangerous Pie
Dino Jo is currently feeling
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