 |
|
Saturday, April 19, 2008
See, I look back at when I was "happy" and I look at myself now, and it's like it's not the same person. Things I used to love, I look at now with disgust. People I used to spend every waking minute with, I can barely be around. It's like someone completely turned my life upside down, and every time I try to find someone to blame, I realize more and more how all of this, every last bit of it, is entirely my fault... and therefore, I must fix it, on my own. I look back and see ruin, but I also see all my missing pieces, or at least the one's I had before my downhill adventures. It's all a matter of getting off my ass and picking them up and putting them back together. But the question is, do I really want to put back together that person? Because, won't she just be a broken image of what once was? Will I be pawing at what is already gone? Should I just keep walking forward? I know if I do that, I will end up far worse off than I already am, but if I go back, I'll keep going back, and eventually I won't even know who I am at all. I can't live in the past, but I can't stay on this path.
Posted at 1:25:10 am by dinoxjo
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months
over analyzing a situation;
trying to put the pieces together,
justifying what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve happened.
Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor
and move the fuck on."
Posted at 1:23:51 am by dinoxjo
Monday, April 14, 2008
none of any of it matters...
Posted at 6:45:29 pm by dinoxjo
Thursday, April 10, 2008
So many people have cried out, I no longer know who is really hurting. I want to help them all, but I know it is not my place. I watch as they abuse what our school is actually good for, and I silently weep to myself. How am I supposed to take the pain seriously when one day you're crying the next you're trying to skip gym? How am I supposed to help when everytime I reach out, you slap me across the face and tell me to shut up. To mind my own business. Why is it that everyone begs me for help, and the second I try to be there for them, they won't let me in. Not even to simply hold their hand or let them rest on my shoulder. I feel like I'm giving a lot, only to have it pushed back into my face. I cover up my truths so that I can help others with theirs, and then eventually I let them pick away at mine. I hide mine because I know there is no cure for what is wrong with me, and eventually I will simply waste away, and I have come to terms with that. Accepted it. And now, all I want to do is make a mends with everyone, enjoy my final moments and help everyone so that hopefully they don't waste away. I know someday, I will walk down this hall and be invisible. People who once hugged and loved me will turn their heads and divert their eyes. I know once they find out, they will all run and hide. But I don't mind being alone, I no longer fear the solitude. My chest no longer tightens at the thought and my stomach no longer pushes out the food. I have grown to accept I will be alone, and that these people rejecting my help is only the beginning.
Posted at 6:08:31 pm by dinoxjo
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
The anger swells, I don't want to speak. She says one word, I want to kill. Kill her, kill me, kill everything. I want to jump. I want to cut. I don't wnat to fucking be here. It bursts from my fucking seems. I hope one day this hand brakes. I hope one day I punch so hard every bone crushes and it bleeds and it fucking hurts. Tears roll down, and a silent screaming goes off. My chest tightens, I can't breathe. Fuck you, fuck you. My hand throbs and I hit again and again. I run my fingers threw my hair, rest my elbows on my knees, allow my forehead to find it's place in my palms. I can't take this load, I can't do it anymore. Every second something new. I can't take it, I can't, I just fucking can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I fucking can't, I don't fucking want to.
Soon,
I fucking won't.
Posted at 7:44:38 pm by dinoxjo
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Short break from the long break because of this amazing news.
All those who know me well, have heard me say
"Once I see Ben Gibbard live, I can die happy."
Well, it seems, I'm going to be able to die happy sooner than I thought.
June motherfriggin 6th 2008,
A little less than a month after the release of their new album,
Death Cab is making a live appearance right here at our very own
"Old Port."
Bitch yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So, here here to Ben Gibbard and a happy death!
Okay, short break from long break over.
Posted at 10:40:50 pm by dinoxjo
|
|
|
|
 |
|  |
 |
photography site!
NEW JULY UPDATE!
“The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.”
- Audrey Hepburn
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
- Albert Einstein
“Just because you get distracted by the silver lining, doesn't mean there's not still a huge dark cloud behind it.”
- Drums, Girls and Dangerous Pie
Dino Jo is currently feeling
|
 |
 |
|  |
|
|
|
