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Monday, June 02, 2008
I want to, I need to, I have to know it all.
Every tiny aspect.
What happened?
Why are you here?
I read your words,
You touched my heart.
Now let me touch yours.
There is just something..
Something about you.
And I love it.
I love you.
A stranger,
completely,
and yet you mean more,
than family.
Kamin?
Let me in.
Posted at 10:53:15 pm by dinoxjo
I remember walking, arms linked, the three of us, unstoppable. I remember making fun of her, and laughing. Ah yes, laughing. I remember watching in ah. I remember the muffins and fruitopia. I remember avoiding freaks and defeating the evil nero. I remember when we both loved and had her. I remember when we would all sit and copy homework. I remember when we used to hate him... a lot. I remember becoming friends with her. I remember the party. That famous party. I think that was the last time everything was as it should be. I think that was the final goodbye to high school as we knew it. I think what happened after that was "the snowball effect." I believe my snowball is two million times my size, and still rolling (at high speeds might I add). And then I remember, when everything changed. I remember when she cried, a lot. I remember when she lied, a lot. I remember finding out she lied. I remember not being me. I remember that infamous walk home over the overpass, when things snapped inside me. I remember the thoughts that escalated. I remember the tears, the tears, the tears. I remember looking back, as I am now.
And still, I can not figure out,
what happened?
Posted at 10:38:32 pm by dinoxjo
will eat all the junk i want to,
drink all the vodka i need to,
and cry all the tears i have to.
Posted at 9:01:34 pm by dinoxjo
if it makes me a snobby little bratty bitch for writting that,
then good for me.
You told me to speak,
You told me to say how I felt,
What I felt,
so I did.
Just because it's ugly,
Doesn't mean you can send it back.
Next time,
DON'T ASK.
Posted at 8:22:34 pm by dinoxjo
The rain fell hard, and the winds blew. The sky turned menacingly dark, and that was that. I felt the drops landing on my neck and head, and as it covered my body, I felt young again. We rushed and joked and soon returned. The rain was only a drizzle now, but worth it. I stood there, and I joked, and I acted as if I were happy. (I think I might of been). But none of them knew, that was okay. I continued to run, I continued to jump. The water got lighter, and everyone left. I stood there and waited, as the sun rose. The sky turned to colors, and my heart was warmed. I ran through the excess falling from the roof, and left my back arch. I ran and ran and the he thought I was crazy. I kept on running, and I smiled. I felt young, I was careless. The silver was in another place, another time. (I think I might of been happy). Then the car pulled up, and the eyes narrowed. A voice threatened, and I was fed up. Always so hostile, always so vicious. Only listening, when it feels it wants to. A rush to here, a rush to there. Raised voices, lower insults. You don't care what I hear or don't hear. You don't care how I feel. I'm stupid, selfish and snobby. I'm a brat, spoilied and unwanted. I'm a mistake, unlovable and hated. I understand, I do. I'll be gone soon, I promise. Just four more days, don't worry.
Just four more days. And I hope it rains, and I hope I can scream. And I hope I dance and sing. And I hope I remember the show. And I hope I remember all of you. And I hope I smile. And I hope the tears on my cheeks are of joy. I hope you finally see and understand.
I hope you read this.
I loved you, I did.
But now you're just like everyone else.
Does this make me a bad person?
Because you're my mother?
Does this make me a bad person?
Because you pushed me out of your vag?
Does this make me a bad person?
Because you 'nurtured me'?
Does this make me a bad person?
Because of all you've done for me?
But what about everything else?
What about all the bad that trumps this 'good'?
Mmm?
What about the bad memories that haunt me?
Hmmm?
Or does none of that matter?
Because I am the deliquant teenage daughter with no sense of any kind of direction and not proper thought process,
And you are (or as they think and believe you are) the perfect, kind, loving and generous mother everyone wishes for.
Well you know what "mom"?
FUCK YOU!
Posted at 8:09:58 pm by dinoxjo
"You can't just watch the world pass by, you have to have some strength."
What if I don't. What if I simply do not. What if once upon a time, I did, and now, I don't. What if I have tried and I have pushed and I have persevered. What if this is my turn to give up. What if I should give up. What if this is my time to give up. What if I should just give up. What if I don't feel like getting back up. What if I'm just a big wussy baby. What if I'm just one of those losers. What if I'm weak and useless. What if after friday, I have no reason to go on. What if I don't. What if I simply do not. What if, this time, I just don't.
Posted at 8:05:35 pm by dinoxjo
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photography site!
NEW JULY UPDATE!
“The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.”
- Audrey Hepburn
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
- Albert Einstein
“Just because you get distracted by the silver lining, doesn't mean there's not still a huge dark cloud behind it.”
- Drums, Girls and Dangerous Pie
Dino Jo is currently feeling
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